#it's been almost a month since their last kiss in belgrade

[mrsfitzgerald]

nijmegen 18.06.24 💋

[the-great-imagines-of-1812]

Through The Years pt. 6 (Bucky Barnes x Stark! fem! reader)

tags: @a-girl-who-loves-disney @the-romanian-is-bae

A/N: feedback is appreciated! And OH MAN- is it sad. It’s a long chapter. And guys, we’re nearly done with the first avenger, moving on to The Avengers after this! Also, I’ve decided to update this every weekend. no specific date, but if i can, it will be updated from Friday-Sunday. :)

Summary: After rescuing Bucky, Y/N and the 107th from the Hydra facility in Austria; Steve Rogers begins work to assemble to Howling Commandos; an elite task force of top-ranking soldiers that are able to do what regular soldiers never could. 

~~~~~~

 DECEMBER 12, 1944

LONDON, ENGLAND

You walked into the cozy, crowded London pub with your hair done up nice, and that sky blue dress you loved. Why Steve called you here to meet, you’ll never know. 

Eyes scanning the area, you spotted Steve and a couple of other men sitting around a table with drinks. Steve looked up and saw you, ushering you over to the table. Everyone else went silent.

“Gentlemen, this is Y/N Stark. She’ll be joining us this evening.”

You sat done as of the men, with a darker complexion said “The Lieutenant General? What are you doing? Assembling an elite task force?”

Giving a curt nod, “That’s exactly what I’m doing, Gabe. Now please settle down.”

Steve passed you a beer and started explaining. “An elite task force, of sorts. To be able to do what regular soldiers never could.” 

After almost an hour of explaining, you put a hand up. “Steve, this is an excellent idea. If we didn’t almost die last time! You really want us to go back?”

Agreements were heard around the table. “What the Stark over here said!” exclaimed Dum Dum Dougan as he clinked his glass with yours. 

“Well- it sounds fun actually. I’m in.” Falsworth said. 

Two of the other men agreed, and Steve looks at you. “Y/N, you in?”

Sighing, you said “I’m in. This better work, Captain.”

“You have my word, Lieutenant General. What about you, Dougan?”

“Well- I’m in. But as long as you open a tab, Captain.” Said Dougan, chugging the last of his beer. 

“Of course. Y/N, help me out?” Steve asked.

“Let’s go.”

You both gathered all the mugs on the table and walked into the bar in the next room. “Buck! What’re ya doin’ here?” you said, walking over to sit next to him in surprise. He finished the last of what looked like scotch. You grabbed both of his hands in your own “I thought you had sniper training for another week!”

He scratched the back of his head nervously, but then intertwined his hand with your own. “They let me off early, doll. Christmas is up soon, after all. I wanted to see my best girl.”

“You make me blush too much.” you settled into your seat and waved the bar tender for a drink. 

“So- are you two ready to follow Captain America to the jaws of death?” Steve said, sitting on your other side. 

“Hell no. That little guy from Brooklyn who was never afraid to back down from a fight. I’m following him.” Bucky said, throwing an arm around your waist.

“As for myself, I’m following that boy I met in the lab one day who wasn’t afraid. The little guy who was willing to trust me and brother with his life even though he had only heard about us through a radio. That’s a hero. I’m following him.” you said. 

The bar went completely silent, and the three of you turned your head to see the source. 

“Peggy! My goodness you look radiant!” you said, grabbing her hands. 

“That’s all you, Y/N. She said, pecking both your cheeks and turning to Steve. 

“Captain.”

“Agent Carter.” Steve said, obviously nervous at the sight of her. 

“Ma’am.” Bucky said in greeting. 

Peggy glances at you and then at Steve again. “The Starks have new equipment for you to try, tomorrow morning. 0800 hours. Don’t be late.”

She then turned around and walked out. “It’s like I’m invisible, Steve.”

“Relax, Buck. Maybe she has a friend.”

“Rogers! I am the friend!” you said, feigning offense. 

“And for that-” Bucky said, wrapping both his arms around you from behind. “I am the luckiest man in the world. Fancy a dance?”

“You know I do.”

~~~~~~

THE NEXT DAY. 

“Me, Rogers, I concentrate on work, not fondue-ing. You’ll never know what goes on inside a woman’s head as long as you say that. But right now work consists of making sure my sister’s soldiers don’t get killed.” Howard said, leading Steve to a table. 

“Good morning Steve!” you said, slapping him straight across the face.

“What was that for?” Steve said, nursing his cheek with his hands. “That’s for hurting Peggy. I know what you did.”

“She doesn’t even-”

“Not another word from you. I keep you around because my brother likes a soldier like you.”

“Like I said, Rogers, you never know what goes on inside a woman’s head. Especially my sisters.” Howard said.

“That’s enough, you. Anyway, Steve, this is carbon polymer. It should withstand your average German Bayonet-”

“Because HYDRA’s not going to attack you with a pocket knife.” Howard said, guiding Steve around the table. You followed close behind.

“Anyway- Steve. I saw you’re quite fond of  that play shield of yours. The prop right?” you said. 

“These, Rogers are prototypes. We’ve made each and every one, in any way deemed possible from Stark technology. 

Steve looks over all the shields, then points at one on the bottom. “What about this one?” 

“A failed one.” Howard said, stuffing his hands in his pockets. “Made of the same stuff my sister’s armor is.”

“Starks, are you almost done?” said Peggy, strutting in. 

Steve then proceeds to smile at her, as if to ask if she approves of the shield. She then proceeds to pick up a gun and shoot three times at it. It startles the entire lab. 

“I like it.”

You put a hand on Steve’s shoulder as she walks out. “She really is pissed, huh?”

“Yeah.”

“I had some ideas about the uniform?” he hands you both a piece of paper. 

“Whatever you want.”

~~~~~~

JANUARY 30TH, 1944

BELGRADE, SERBIA

You used your powers to crack open the doors, and the Howling Commandos shot up the place, shooting HYDRA officials left and right. Dougan put a bomb on the power plant, set the timer, and you all ran out. 

As you boarded the truck and left, the base exploded, and the rest of the Howlies cheered. “That’s another one down, boys! Where are we off to next?” you said, slinging your gun back on your shoulder and putting your swords back in their holders. 

“Kharkiv, in Ukraine.” 

“Let’s go!”

~~~~~~

APRIL 24, 1944

MANHATTAN, NEW YORK CITY

“Welcome back to Channel 2, your news on the radio. Captain America and his team of - er- Howling Commandos? Captain America and his elite soldier task force, The Howling Commandos have invaded the Russian HYDRA base. It’s the 14th base they’ve taken down this year, and at this speed, they’ll secure a victory for the allies.”

“This team consists of a rag-tag gang of hopeful soldiers, including Stark Industries co-founder, Y/N Stark, making her the first woman to serve in the Army of this great nation!”

~~~~~~

THE ENGLISH CHANNEL.

JULY 16, 1944. 3:00 AM. 

It was a quiet and cold night as the boat creaked and made it’s way up the channel. After taking down another HYDRA base in Milan, The Howling Commandos crossed France, and made their departure from Brussels, Belgium and where now headed for another HYDRA base in Oslo, Norway, before returning to London for a rest. 

Sitting in your bed, in the bunk you shared with Pinky, who was snoring away, while you couldn’t catch a wink of sleep. Turning on the tiny oil lamp, you pulled out a piece of paper and a pen. You were long overdue to write a letter to Howard.

Howard,

Hello Brother! Today is the 16th of July, 1944. It’s currently 3 am and we’re on the English Channel. We haven’t been able to catch a break. The Milan base was something else. But we got to rest up for a few days in Czechoslovakia, although we couldn’t stay long; Nazi territory. But me and Bucky where able to take a few pictures together, with Jim’s camera. They’re enclosed. I can’t detail much about where we’re headed next; but I can tell you this is not how I imagined traveling the world, with me being on the Axis Powers’ wanted list. Guess we’ll have to do it all again when it’s over. Have you received any letters from Maria? I can’t believe you haven’t introduced her to me yet. I can’t wait to meet her. 

The Better Stark, Y/N.

Carefully putting the letter inside the envelope, you would give it to the captain in the morning to mail it. Wrapping a silk robe around your nightgown, you made your way to the main deck. It was nights like these that made you hopeful of a world without war. Taking a deep breath and staring out at the water, you heard a creak behind you, slowly turning around-

“Hiya there, darlin’ ” Bucky said, wringing his hands together. He looked nervous. 

Giving him a smile, you wrapped your arms around him and brought your lips to his, giving him a peck. “What’re you doin’ awake, Buck?” 

“s’ couldn’t sleep. Heard you got up. Thought I’d keep you company.” he said, bringing you to rest on his chest.

“The stars look beautiful tonight.”

“You know who else looks beautiful tonight, doll? you.”

“Buck, I-” 

“I want to watch the stars with you forever.” he clenched is jaw. He was practically shaking. 

There was a silence, with the exception of the waves crashing against the boat. 

“Marry me.”

“Bucky, what?”

“You heard me correctly. Marry me, won’t you?”

“I- but my brother. And there’s a war- elopement?”

“No buts. I asked permission via a letter. Should’ve seen him. And I checked with that Captain of yours Tommy Andrews, was it? He has a license. We could get married the second we get back to London.”

“Let’s - Let’s do it. I love you so much, Buck.”

“Yeah? Ready to become Mrs. Stark-Barnes?”

“Born Ready.”

He kisses you deeply, wrapping his arms around you and stroking your hair when you separated. He was the luckiest man on earth. 

~~~~~~

CHRISTMAS EVE 1944.

LONDON, ENGLAND. 

It felt to so good to be back in London. It was truly a second home at this point. It had been a few months since getting engaged, and a few weeks since your last HYDRA base explosion in Hungary.

Bucky had given you his mother’s ring, a plain gold band. But you loved it nonetheless. It symbolized the relationship you had built over the past year, and the love you would share as husband and wife. 

Howard hadn’t been thrilled, but didn’t let it show for your sake. Which brings you to where you are now, At Peggy’s townhouse in London, celebrating Christmas Eve with the fellow Howlies, Howard, General Philips, and Tommy Andrews, all sitting around the dining table. 

“So- you two got engaged. Kept it a secret for months- and pretended it would be okay to tell us a week ago?” Dum Dum Dugan said, wiping his mouth after chugging his beer. 

“I know right- they are really the most rude.” Howard said, sitting back with a smirk, sipping his wine. 

“Howard, leave the kids alone. When’s the wedding?” General Phillips asked. 

“Well we were- we really have no idea. There’s not very many venues open.” 

Tommy interrupted “I could do it.” 

There was silence around the table. “I’m licensed. In 40 states, actually.”

Peggy smiled at this. “A Christmas wedding!” 

“We’re all here! It could happen.” 

“Hear, Hear!” 

Before you knew it, Tommy had grabbed a bible and everyone had been sitting around you and Bucky, watching you.

“Repeat after me. I take you, James Buchanan Barnes as my loving husband, in sickness and in health, as long as we both shall live.”

“I take you, James Buchanan Barnes, as my loving husband, in sickness and in health, as long as we both shall live.”

“I now pronounce you- husband and wife. You may kiss the bri- or you could do that too.”

Bucky was kissing you deeply, with hand at the back of your head and one around your waist, spinning you around.

“Alright, Alright. Break it up. Welcome to the family, Barnes.” Howard said, shaking his hand.

Yeah. A Christmas to remember. 

~~~~~~ 

FEBRUARY 1ST, 1945.

THE SWISS ALPS. 

It had been almost two months since you had married Bucky on that warm Christmas Eve in London. Ever since then, the smell of hope in the air had followed you into the new year. 

The Allies were closing in. It would only be a few more months before the war was over, or so Winston Churchill had said over the radio. Now, you were on one of the last missions with the Howlies. It really wasn’t the last mission, but you could feel it in the air. All the war and destruction was finally going to come to an end. 

“This won’t be like Coney Island, right? Where you made me ride the cyclone and I got sick?” Bucky asked, gripping our hand.

“You did that, Steve?”

“I did, Y/N. And why would I do that now?”

“We were right, Steve. Zola’s on the train.” Gabe said, leaning closer to the radio to hear the transmission. “We’re in the right place. HYDRA’s given him permission to open the throttle. Wherever he’s going, they must need him badly.” 

“We must get going. They’re moving like the devil.”

“Well. We’ve only got a ten second window! You miss that window, we’re bugs on a windshield.” Steve said, putting his hook on the zip-line. 

First was Steve, the, Bucky, then you, followed by Gabe. 

Quickly, the four of you had moved across the top of the train and gotten inside. You were shooting up the HYDRA soldiers, but they just always did seem to be one step ahead of you. 

You had successfully dodged several bullets, until a hole was blown into the middle of the train. It had pulled you and Bucky out, hanging by a single metal bar. 

“Bucky! Y/N! Hang on! I’m coming to get you!” Steve yelled. 

You tried to use your powers to move the bar up, but it didn’t seem to work, and it hurt your head immensely, causing you to scream. 

“Stevie! Stevie. Take her first. Please. If anyone makes it out of here, its gonna be her.”

“Bucky, no! Hang on, please!” you said, through sobs. 

“We’re going to be okay! Steve, grab her arm.”

Steve was able to pull you to the train safely. Now the situation was getting Bucky in.

“Bucky, grab my hand!”

Bucky reached out to Steve, but what he didn’t realize was that this was putting to much weight on the bar. 

You’ll never forget his screams as he fell down. It would haunt you as long as you lived. 

“NO! BUCKY! COME BACK!” 

You could hear Steve crying before eventually helping him on the train. He collapsed into your arms, both crying. 

James Buchanan Barnes; soldier, friend and husband was gone.

~~~~~~

A/N: I nearly burst into tears. feedback is appreicated!

- Talya

[dandannoodl3s]

Ahhh so I also managed finishing chapter 2 in the re-imagining of the events post the episode 5.08 (Ian Garvey) if you’re haven’t read part one I’ll attach the link but here’s part 2 it’s slightly long but worth it I promise. Gif credits to @biconicclarkegriffin and @bravebold

Chapter 2

Before Ressler knew it, he was driving towards Liz’s apartment. It was way past midnight now and the thought of resting before beginning his quest to uncover the culprits behind this horrific attack was too much for him to bear. Besides he wouldn’t be able to sleep knowing Liz was in the hospital fighting for her life. Cooper had already alerted the Post Office about the events and a CSI team had been sent to Liz’s apartment. Nobody it seemed wanted to waste any time. As he approached her building he saw a bunch of cop cars parked outside, along with police tape cording off the area. He parked his car but sat in it for several minutes, trying to prepare himself for what he was about to see. He stepped out and made his way under the police tape, taking his badge out to identify himself to the officer in charge of the scene.

“Donald Ressler, FBI”

“Yes Sir, come through”

“Are you okay sir?” said the same officer who had let him in.

As Ressler made his way up the stairs to her apartment, his heart beat faster and faster almost bursting out of his chest, He had to lean against the wall to calm down

“Yeah fine” Ressler chimed in, trying to hide the emotions that were threatening to explode.

“Did you know the people who were attacked?”

“Yeah” he said, sucking a deep breath in.

“It was my partner and her husband.”

“I’m sorry sir. It’s always hard when someone close to you is killed.”

“She isn’t dead. She’s in a coma.” retorted Ressler who was beginning to get irritated at the officer for talking so much but he knew that he didn’t mean to offend him, so he just nodded at the officer and made his way into her apartment. But he was not ready for what he saw. There was blood everywhere along with shattered glass across the living room floor, broken tables and chairs, torn pillows and two dead bodies. He assumed correctly that they must have been part of the team that attacked the Keens and having known that there was no way that Liz and Tom had those many bullets to spare, he knew it had been Reddington and Dembe who had come just in time to rescue the two of them.

The CSI’s had marked all the areas and were in the process of gathering all the blood and any other DNA evidence they could get from the scene. Ressler on the other hand made his way into Agnes’s room. It had been completely tossed. All her toys scattered on the floor, her mattress had been flipped, her cupboard had been carelessly emptied out, and there was nothing that was left in place. He was grateful that Liz had sent Agnes to her friend’s place for a sleepover. He didn’t want to imagine what they would have done to the poor girl if she was at home with her parents. No. Liz would never do that if she knew somewhere in her gut that she was uncovering something dangerous.

Suddenly a paper caught his eye. He bent down to pick it up. It was a drawing Agnes had made of herself, Tom and Liz. They were in the park with Agnes in the middle of her two parents holding both their hands and smiling. It made Ressler tear up. How the hell was he going to get her through this? He folded the drawing and put it in his pocket. He went out, ensured that the CSIs covered everything and left her apartment.

1 month later

The investigation into the attack was just a bunch of dead ends. While they managed to ID the two bodies, there was no other trace of blood, fingerprints or anything. Whoever did this was meticulous. It was planned to ensure there were no survivors and absolutely nothing that could lead back to them. What the attackers perhaps hadn’t anticipated was Reddington. And while the Task Force was doing everything possible, Reddington had surprisingly continued to supply them with names of Blacklisters. I guess it was his way of honouring Liz and it was also the only way everyone could remain distracted.

Reddington had also been actively taking care of Agnes. Ressler was actually quite surprised at his approach towards her. He had asked Samar if she would take Agnes in for the time being since he realised how important it was for Agnes to have a female presence. In another world Red would have jumped at the opportunity to keep Agnes to himself for her ‘protection’ but things were different right now and what Agnes needed was a sense of normalcy, something not possible in his world. Ressler would usually spend the weekends with Agnes, who insisted on building pillow forts with him. She was in the “princess phase” while the pillow fort was her castle and Ressler her knight. It had certainly been a difficult month, and perhaps Agnes was too young to completely understand death and medically induced comas, but there was no denying that behind that smiling face, she missed her parents dearly.

“Uncle Donnie?” said Agnes one evening that Ressler was at Samar’s place.

“Yes sweetheart?”

“When is mommy going to come home? I miss her.”

Ressler picked her up, setting her on his lap as she cuddled into him.

“Sweetie, I know you miss her. Uncle Donnie misses her too. Remember what I told you about Mommy and Daddy being in an accident?” Agnes slowly nodded her head.

“Well mommy was injured very badly. It’s like when the evil queen sends her army to kill the princess and take her place in the kingdom and the prince tries to protect the princess by fighting the evil queen’s army. Your daddy was the prince who tried to save his princess, and he fought very bravely to protect your mother.”

“You said daddy is in heaven now right?”

Ressler smiled at the sweet child sitting on his lap.

“Yes, daddy is in heaven now. He’s still protecting your mommy and is making sure she is strong enough to wake up. Give it time sweetie. I promise you that I’m here with you till Mommy comes back okay?”

“Okay, Uncle Donnie.”

And with that Ressler picked her up and took her to the room Samar had set aside for Agnes. He lifted the covers and gently placed a sleepy Agnes in bed. He read her her favourite story at the moment “Mulan” as it reminded her of how strong and brave her mother was and watched her fall asleep before placing a kiss on her forehead and making his way out of the room.

6 months later

It had been half a year and Liz had still not woken up. The doctors had lost hope but Reddington being Reddington refused to give up and had her transferred to a private care facility, paying for everything along the way. Other than Reddington, Ressler was the one member on the task force who visted Liz almost every day. Sometimes he would bring her favourite food from Wing Yee and just sit and talk to her while he ate his share. Other times he would tell her about his day, about Blacklisters they caught and about the thrill of the chase. But every single time he spoke to her, he would tell her about Agnes. Her grades, her favourite movies and books at the moment, how she had dyed some of her hair pink after seeing some movie where the lead actress had pink hair, how she had discovered Samar’s lipsticks and insisted that she needed some of her own.

For Ressler, Liz was the only thing he thought about for the last 6 months. Whether it was his feelings for her or the fact that he just utterly missed her, her teasing and her silly jokes, he just wanted Liz to wake up. On the 6 month eve of the attack, Ressler snuck in a bottle of her favourite wine in his coat pocket before making his way to the care facility. When he entered her room he was surprised to see Red sitting next to her, since he usually wasn’t here so late in the night.

“Donald, it’s lovely to see you.”

“Red, what are you doing here so late?”

“Well I know you aren’t as happy to see me but you know what date it is today and I don’t know, I just wanted to be here with Lizzie”

“I know what you mean. That’s actually why I’m also here.”

Reddington looked at Ressler for a long while before saying something that took Ressler by surprise.

“You know Donald, its going to be difficult for Elizabeth when she wakes up, you know with Tom not being here and their attackers being on the loose, but for what it’s worth I’m glad you’re in her life. I don’t think I’ve told you how much I appreciate all that you’ve done for sweet Agnes.

I know we’ve had a colourful history and I may have outsmarted you that one time in Belgrade but you were the only one who ever came close to ever capturing me. In fact, sometimes your personality strikes me as uptight even rigid, but that perfectly sculpted jaw line certainly helps” Reddington chuckled.

Ressler couldn’t help but snort.

“So the only acceptable quality I have are my looks? Tell me something new.” He said somewhat cockily but he was slightly stung by the jab.

“Your face definitely is a sight for sore eyes but that’s not the only thing. In the last few months you have proved my wrong. You’ve been at Lizzie’s side the whole time, unwavering in you love and care for her. You may not realise this but your loyalty and compassion is an envious trait. Something that I have always admired and remember I am not easily pleased.”

The atmosphere in the room was thick with emotion and as a means to break the unfamiliarity of Reddington’s emotional confession, Ressler took out the small bottle of wine from his inner coat pocket.

“What do we have here?” exclaimed Reddington.

Feigning a smile Ressler said “It’s Liz’s favourite cheap wine. Every time we finished arresting a particularly nasty Blacklister, we would sit in our office and pour ourselves this god awful wine in plastic cups and try to finish our day’s reports.”

“Why in God’s good name does Elizabeth subject herself to such ghastly taste in alcohol, I mean why do that when she has a perfectly beautiful collection of aromatic Chilean wines lying in her house, ones that I especially bootleg for her but for some unearthly reason continue to remain unopened? ”

Ressler chuckled.

“Well, one day Liz and I were the only ones left in the Post Office. We had just wrapped up a case that among other things involved seizing alcohol from underage kids who had they known any better were drinking counterfeit wine supplied to them by the Blacklister we were out for, who made millions selling adulterated wine only to poison his wife and daughter when they found out the truth about his enterprise. Anyway, Liz and I were up late, writing our reports and filling in data when we decided to sneak into the backroom where there were several boxes of adulterated wine ready to be processed in the morning. We were both in desperate need for a drink so we opened up a carton and nicked a few bottles, since they were yet to be registered.

One thing led to another and before you know it we had finished two bottles of that awful wine, laughing at how desperate and teenage it was to go sneaking around stealing alcohol. And Liz in her drunken state declared it to be her favourite ‘cheap wine’ going so far as even writing a heavily misspelled review on the now defunct company website. It was also the last case we solved before things blew up and today while cleaning up her workspace, I found another bottle of that wine and couldn’t help but smile and the first thing I wanted to do was come here and share it with her. I know it sounds stupid, but I would do anything to have that time again, stealing bottles of wine from evidence rather than see her life being stolen from her by some ruthless criminals.”

“It is silly yes, but it is certainly not stupid for you to want to share that memory with her again. We will find out who did this Donald. I don’t plan on letting those scums get away. But until then, let’s open that bottle and judge just how much I need to consider an intervention and possibly a crash course for Lizzie on everything related to the finer things in life.”

Ressler pulled up a chair and poured the wine into two plastic cups and handed one to Reddington as they sat talking about Liz and all her little quirks.

[sapphicsaro]

anya || age of ultron

here is the next installment in the anya series. honestly this one is probably my favorite so far! 

anya || winter soldier

anya || civil war

---

“Alright, so we leave in the morning, party people! Rest up Avengers! Sokovia’s gonna be a cold one!” 

Tony was always too much when he ran meetings. Natasha much preferred when Steve did them; he was quick and stuck to the important parts. He didn’t throw in extras, didn’t call them nicknames, and he was professional. Tony, on the other hand, decided to make it a show. 

Natasha was tired. Clint was tired.

This was their first mission together as a full team since Anya was secretly born nine months ago. Natasha got back in the field a month and a half after giving birth, which might sound crazy, and it kind of was. 

She went with Steve to Belgrade to infiltrate a HYDRA project, and she felt off. Now, she was still the Black Widow and the mission was a success, but she was exhausted. She remained slightly sore from giving birth, and she hadn’t necessarily been the most active in the month after Anya was born. Steve noticed on the flight home that she was wincing more than usual, and when he asked if she was okay, she just said she was tired. Which was true.

She could tell he was suspicious, but it was Steve. He respected her privacy, and didn’t push. Like some other people.

Natasha did a few more missions, and then switched places with Clint when Anya hit three months. Natasha missed her baby, and Clint- well, Clint needed to get out of the house. Clint was such a great father, but boy, did that baby become his life. 

Their house was covered in baby things. Natasha enlisted Kate to keep an eye on him while she was gone, and Kate periodically would send her a video of him talking to Anya like she was an adult. The videos made her smile, but she knew he needed to get back in the field or he was going to go crazy. 

So, Natasha went to the farmhouse, and Clint went to Plovdiv with Steve and Tony. Tony kept saying that “the boys were back in town”, which pleased no one since Steve didn’t know the reference and Clint didn’t want to be there. He wanted to get back in the field, and he needed to go on this mission, but he missed his daughter. 

The first two months, Anya was on a tight schedule, and was too little to do much of anything besides cry, eat, and sleep. But, she was starting to smile now, and giggle, and Clint lost it. He loved that baby. When he was home, he hardly let her down. She was in his arms the entire day and he became a master at doing everything one-handed. 

When Natasha first left, she cried more at night. Clint had panicked the first time he had to put her to bed and she screamed. Unsure of what to do, he just started singing. Surprisingly, Anya quieted, and the next thing you know, she was knocked out in her crib. Clint was amazed. He did it. And all by himself, nonetheless. 

Kate stopped by two days after Natasha left, something about “Nat wants me to make sure you stay sane. I didn’t think you ever were, but I said I would.” Much to Clint’s surprise, she was great with the baby. Kate hesitated at first, saying that Anya looked so much like Natasha and it scared her, but, all joking aside, Kate acted like Anya’s big sister.

When Clint was away, Natasha told him everything would fine. But truthfully, Natasha had never been alone with her own child. Kate had permanently moved in, and she had noticed Natasha seemed unsure when she first arrived. Without patronizing her, Kate offered help; she showed the schedule Clint had Anya on and updated her on the stuffed animal that calmed her down the most and the song that would get her to sleep every time. 

La Vie En Rose. 

Natasha chuckled. That song. The song they first danced to on a mission in Paris. The song that made Clint confess his love for her. The song she played for him when he was in the hospital after an ambush on headquarters. The song he hummed when they fixed up the house right after buying it. Their wedding song.

And now, the song that transformed their screaming baby into a sleeping one in an instant. 

Of course. 

Natasha was grateful for Kate’s help, and after the first week, she felt confident alone with Anya. Although she wasn’t really alone, but give her a break, she was trying. 

Three months of swapping later, Clint and Natasha were enlisted to be on a mission together. Tony had mentioned that they both seemed off when they were away from the other, so “why not do a mission together!”

Great. 

Clint said they should just say no, and keep up with the swapping, but Natasha knew better. If they said no, Tony would assume that they were having “relationship problems” and become increasingly more annoying. So, they agreed. 

Anya was wrapped up in Kate’s arms when the two spies walked out the front door, both of them trying to resist running back in the house to squeeze their six month old baby one last time. 

The mission was a success, even though Natasha almost killed Tony for his insistent prodding. “Where have you guys been?” “Why don’t you stay at the tower anymore?” “Are the master assassins breaking up?”

Steve told him to knock it off, and thank god he did. Clint was a little nervous that Natasha was going to snap. After all, Tony was annoying to her before, but now add sleep deprivation from a baby to the mix and the combination was deadly.

When they got home, Kate was knocked out on the couch, baby monitor clenched in her hand while Anya was fast asleep in her crib. Clint carried Kate to her room, and Natasha snuck in the nursery, just to see Anya breathing heavily, eyes closed. 

Natasha heard the soft whimpers from the monitor in the morning, and she tiptoed to the nursery. When Anya saw her mother, she smiled widely, cooing and reaching her little arms out for her. Natasha picked her up and squeezed her tightly to her chest, Anya babbling away. 

“Yeah, little one, I’m excited to see you too,” she whispered, placing a soft kiss on her daughter’s cheek. 

Natasha carried her to her bedroom, where Clint was slowly waking up. She sat on the bed, Anya still babbling in her arms, “Look, маленький, it’s papa.”

Clint, still half asleep, smiled, “G’mornin, pigeon. And mama too.”

This was nice. 

Missions were nice too, but coming home to a cuddly baby was a treat that Natasha never thought about having before. When a mission was successful before Anya, Clint and her had a drink (okay, maybe a couple of drinks) and would have an aggressive amount of sex before the sun began to rise and then it was time to sleep. 

Coming home to Anya was the best present anyone could have given Natasha. It was therapeutic to go on a mission, kick the shit out of some garbage humans, ultimately foiling their plans of destroying the world, and then come back to an innocent little toddler, whose biggest crime was accidentally spilling her dinner all over the ground because she was too excited. 

Natasha and Clint went on a few more solo missions before the entire team was called in to go to Sokovia. Thor had been MIA for a while, along with Bruce, who hadn’t been out of the lab much since the battle of New York. It was actually nice to reunite with the team, even though they were only reuniting to shut down another HYDRA operation.

However, this was going to be the longest they were away from Anya, and it worried them both. Clint called Kate, making sure that she would be okay while they stayed in New York, and she assured him that Anya was perfectly safe at the house. He knew Kate would be able to protect her. Hell, he even built a panic room for them behind a secret wall in case something happened. Kate knew her way around weapons, too, so there was no way anything could happen to them. 

After the meeting, Natasha and Clint went back to their apartment, which had been practically untouched since she first discovered she was pregnant. 

“Woah.”

“I know,” Natasha said. 

It was jarring to see their modern apartment. It was almost a reflection of their old life; the one before Anya. 

Clint walked around the apartment, running his hands over the countertop. “This is weird.”

Natasha wasn’t really paying attention as she was exhausted and wanted nothing more than a good night’s sleep. “Mhmm,” she mumbled as she began stripping off her clothes, putting on a baggy t-shirt for bed. 

Clint remained in the main part of the home, still looking over the house in amazement. Natasha leaned against the doorframe of their bedroom, “You ready for bed, Hawkeye? We got an early call tomorrow.”

She caught his attention, snapping his focus away from their extremely hazardous apartment. Oh, the about of baby-proofing this would need, it would take weeks. “Sorry, yeah, I’m coming.”

Clint threw off his clothes, only leaving on his boxers to sleep in. He crawled into the bed with Natasha, pulling her close to him. He shoved his face in her short curls, mumbling a soft, “G’night…”

Natasha smiled, hands over his as she snuggled closer to him. She was silent for a moment, hearing his breathing deepen when she blurted out, “She had coughed before we left, what if-“

“Natasha, she’s fine. Kate can handle her.”

“A cough for a baby could be deadly, Clint. I’m just-”

“She is fine, Kate will call us if she needs us. Now, please it’s time to sleep.”

——— 

Clint got hit.

The Avengers were all over the place in the Sokovian snow fighting as hard as they could, and Clint got hit. 

Natasha slid over to him immediately, addressing his wounds right out in the field. He was wincing in pain, but she had to move quickly. Shots were still being fired, and thank god for the Hulk because he destroyed that bunker the instant Natasha asked. Clint kept trying to get back up, groaning through his efforts, but Natasha kept him lying down in the snow. 

“Stop moving or you’ll make it worse.”

The rest of the Avengers kept fighting around the two lovers, Natasha no longer paying attention to the sounds of destruction around her; Clint was her top priority. 

“I want to keep fighting,” he coughed out. 

“I know you do, but that’s not going to happen,” she scolded him as she continued to cover up his wound. He never got hit. Well, never is reaching, of course he’s been hit before, but he was distracted today. His head wasn’t on the mission, and she knew that. 

Clint grabbed her wrist as she finished up, “I’m sorry.”

“For what?” 

“My mind is all over the place, I just-”

“Shhh. Clint, you just got hit. You’re going to be fine. The team is going to be fine. Stark is already handling things inside. We would just be on evacuation crew at this point anyways,” she had his hand wrapped in hers, the other brushing through his hair. 

Maybe that was a lie. The team could probably use the extra hands; it would probably make it go faster, but Natasha was not leaving her husband. He would be stupid and try to get up and rip his wound open more and bleed out and die and then Natasha would be a single mother and Anya would hate her forever for not helping save her father and- wow, Natasha should probably take a breath. 

Natasha never panicked this much when he got injured. Sure, she loved him and worried, but she would keep her cool for the most part until EVAC came. But now, Anya was a factor. Nine months of missions for them so far, and just now Natasha realized that they were in a new situation. Things weren’t like before. They had a child. If one of them got hurt, and god forbid, got killed, Anya would lose a parent. 

Clint could see her tense slightly, and he grabbed her hand, giving it a small kiss as he breathed through his pain. Fuck this hurt.

“Clint’s hit pretty bad, guys. We’re gonna need EVAC.” Her hands never left him. 

After a minute or two, Thor landed next to them, prepared to transport Clint. Banner was finally back from the Hulk, too, and came to help Thor move Clint to the jet. 

Stark and Steve arrived later, scepter in hand. 

The mission was a success. 

But then why was Natasha still anxious? 

She sat by him on the jet, checking his wound over and over again. He was resting at this point, so there wasn’t much talking, but he mumbled a few jokes back to the guys about his injury like it wasn’t serious. And it really wasn’t. But still. If the rest of the team knew about Anya, they wouldn’t joke about this. 

However, the team couldn’t know. Not yet. 

So, Natasha kept quiet, stayed by Clint, and laughed along with the boys for the remainder of the flight. 

They got him into the tower right away, Natasha never taking her hand off the gurney as they rolled him through the building to Banner’s lab. Clint was trying to keep an upbeat attitude as he noticed Natasha stayed silent. He knew she was worried; he’d been with her for years, he knew everything about her. 

He knew her habits, how she bottled up her emotions and tried to hide them behind her silence and lip chewing. He knew what her real smile looked like. He knew when she was tired she would would tap her fingers in a certain pattern to keep herself awake. He knew she would push her hair behind her ear when she first woke up. 

After the amount of time the spies had spent together, he’d be surprised if there was anything they didn’t know about the other. 

Cho was fixing him up with some fancy tech now, and Stark had gone to get them some weird drinks that he wouldn’t shut up about on the way over. 

“Are you sure he’s going to be okay? Pretending to need this guy really brings the team together,” Natasha teased, arms still crossed across her chest, but this time she had a small smile on her face. 

“There’s no possibility of deterioration. The nano-molecular functionality is instantaneous. His cells don’t know they’re bonding with simulacrum,” Cho responded.

Banner spoke up excitingly, “She’s creating tissue.”

Cho smiled back at Bruce, “If you brought him to my lab, the regeneration Cradle could do this in twenty minutes.”

“Oh, he’s flatlining. Call it. Time?” Stark had interrupted, drinks in hand. 

Handing one to the injured archer, Clint laughed, “No, no, no. I’m going to live forever. I’m gonna be made of plastic.”

“Here’s your beverage, birdie.”

“It better be spiked,” Clint joked. 

“You’ll be made of you, Mr. Barton. Your own girlfriend won’t be able to tell the difference,” Cho corrected them. 

Clint shifted his eyes to Natasha, who had a smirk plastered on her face, “I don’t have a girlfriend.”

“Oh Dr. Cho, didn’t you hear the word? Little birdie here and the scary spider in the corner are hitched. Not that they would have told you, though. I had to find out when they let it slip during a mission,” Tony said as he handed Natasha her drink. 

Her face was beyond annoyed, and Tony held up his hands in defeat, “Please spare me, I’m too important to die right now.”

Natasha rolled her eyes, “I’d be careful, Tony, I know where you sleep.”

“Very true. But think about how much your ‘bff’ Pepper would miss my beautiful face.”

“I thought you two weren’t talking,” Clint piped up from the table. 

“What?” Natasha asked, moving off the counter. 

Tony shrugged, sipping at his drink again, “Long story. And you’re right, Cupid, we aren’t right now. But, we’ll be okay.”

“Are you okay?” Natasha asked.

“I will be.” 

Natasha placed a hand on his shoulder and gave him a small smile, “You will.”

Sure, she wanted to kill him half the time, but Tony was a huge part of their team. He gave them all a home in his tower, took care of them, and genuinely worried about them when they were away. Natasha just enjoyed her privacy and Tony was a polar opposite to that. But, she did care about the guy. Especially since she knew how much he loved Pepper. 

“Anyways, the party is on Saturday. I expect you both there. Please?”

Clint looked at Natasha, “We’ll be there. We promise.”

————

“Nat, her cough has been gone since you left, I swear to god.”

“Is she crying though? Has she been fussy?”

“Nope. She is currently on her mat in the living room playing with her bear rather aggressively. She really is your ‘mini-me’, Nat.”

Clint chuckled and Nat shot him a death glare. Their phone was on speaker in the middle of the bed as the two got dressed for the party. 

“Ha. Ha. I love when you two gang up on me.”

“I didn’t say anything!”

“You laughed, Clint.”

“Ooh, Barton. Bad move. At least I’m through the phone, she can’t punch me from here.”

Natasha rolled her eyes, “Anyways. We’ll be home tomorrow. Probably later in the day, though. You swear you and Anya are good?”

“We’re both perfect. She has been on her schedule still, eating all her food, and sleeping through the night. I just put on the record now and she’s out like a light. Such a cultured baby you have, she falls asleep to French music.”

“Are you good, though? If you need anything, I’ll leave the party early,” Clint chimed in. 

“Yes, Barton. You and your lovely wife left me with a fully stocked home, I am good. Plus, I got the little asskicker to keep me company.”

“Do not call her that,” Clint laughed.

“Too late! Go get fucked up you two. I haven’t seen you alcoholics drink in so long, you deserve to get plastered tonight. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Bye, Kate.”

“Bye, shithead.”

Natasha hung up the phone, “I don’t know how I deal with the two of you.”

Clint came up behind her, wrapping his arms tightly around her waist and kissing her neck, “Because you love us.”

Natasha leaned into his kiss, “Mhmm, I do?

Clint continued placing kisses down her neck, “I hope so.”

Natasha turned in his arms, now facing him. She threw her arms over his shoulders, leaning in to kiss him on the mouth. “I suppose I do.”

“You look so beautiful.”

“So do you,” Natasha teased. “How’s your side?”

“It’s good, I feel like a new man. How are you?”

Natasha closed the distance between them, placing her head on his chest, “I’m good.”

“You’ve been particularly quiet ever since we got back from Sokovia.”

“I just-I don’t know,” she mumbled against him.

Clint began to rub circles on her back, “You miss Anya?”

Natasha shrugged, “Yeah, of course. But it’s not that.”

Clint placed a soft kiss on the top of her head, careful not to mess up her hair she had done for tonight. “Then what is it?”

Natasha moved a hand under his jacket, fingers dancing over where his wound was previously located, “You got hurt and I panicked. Usually I stop worrying once you get fixed up, but for some reason I’ve been off still.”

“I get it.”

They held each other for a moment, Nat’s fingers still tracing his side and his arms still drawing circles on her lower back. They hadn’t had a lot of time for intimacy since she came back from D.C. over a year ago. There was the pregnancy and then Anya and then the constant missions that had taken over their focus. They hadn’t gotten time to spend with just each other. 

Clint was looking forward to the party, hoping that maybe Natasha would relax, drink for the first time in months, and take a deep breath. Clint needed to relax too. He didn’t tell Natasha about it, but when he got hit, he was scared too. The first thing he thought about was his daughter, and his anxiety went through the roof. But, he was fine. Anya was at home, and they were going to see her tomorrow. 

So, the two finally made it downstairs to Stark’s decked out party and immediately grabbed a couple of drinks. They parted ways for a bit, trying to reconnect with people they have hardly seen since they spent the majority of their time in Missouri. 

——— 

The party was fun. 

The Avengers got to let loose for once, getting a few drinks in them and having fun playing around like teenagers. There was some dancing, a lot of laughter, and even more alcohol. Natasha was currently snuggled up to Clint on the couch, most of the guests gone except for the team, Cho, Maria, and Rhodey. 

“It’s a trick!” Clint yelled at Thor, Natasha’s head resting on his shoulder. 

“Oh, no. It’s much more than that,” Thor replied, eyes locked on the hammer sitting on the table in front of them all.

“Uh, ‘whosoever be he worthy shall haveth the power!’ Whatever man! It’s a trick.” Natasha giggled at Clint’s teases, knowing that the alcohol the two had consumed was relaxing them both. 

Thor threw up his hands, “Well please, be my guest.”

Tony rolled his eyes, “Come on.”

“Really?” Clint asked.

Thor chuckled, “Yeah.”

Clint slid out from under Natasha, who sat up, now interested in the challenge Thor had created. 

Rhodey laughed as the archer walked towards the hammer, “Oh this is gonna be beautiful.”

“Clint, you’ve had a tough week, we won’t hold it against you if you can’t get it up,” Tony teased.

Clint smirked, “You know I’ve seen this before, right?” He placed his hands around the handle, pulling as hard as he could, until he realized it wasn’t going to happen. He shook his head, laughing, “I still don’t know how you do it.”

“Smell the silent judgment?” Tony asked, sipping at his drink.

Clint held his hand out to Tony, “Please, Stark, by all means.” He went back to his spot on the couch, and Natasha immediately returned to her old position in his arms. 

She tucked her head into his shoulder again, “Oh, here we go.” 

Tony tried, and failed. 

Then he got the suit, and failed again. 

Then him and Rhodey tried together, and failed, together.  

Then Banner tried, and failed. For a moment they all waited for their “big green friend” to show up, but Bruce remained the only guest as the hammer stayed put on the table.

Then Steve went and it budged a little, but still did not lift from the table. Oh well.

Banner turned to Natasha, who was practically on top of Clint at this point, “Widow?”

She shook her head, “Oh, no, no. That’s not a question I need answered.” Clint leaned down and gave her a kiss, and she curled back into him. 

Steve looked at the two, smiling at them. This was the most publicly intimate they had ever been in front of the team and he enjoyed it. For two people who usually kept to themselves, it was good to know they still had a lot of love for each other. 

“All deference to the man who wouldn’t be king, but it’s rigged,” Tony said.

Clint lifted his head up from Natasha, “You bet your ass.” 

Maria chuckled, “Steve! He said a bad language word!”

Steve rolled his eyes, “Did you tell everyone about that?” 

Tony ignored Steve, shifting his focus back to Thor, “The handle’s imprinted, right? Like a security code. ‘Whosoever is carrying Thor’s fingerprints’ is, I think, the literal translation?”

Clint pointed at Tony, nodding in agreement. 

Thor laughed, getting up and shaking his head, “Yes, well that’s, uh, that’s a very, very interesting theory. I have a simpler one.” He grabs the hammer, flipping it in his hands. “You’re all not worthy.”

The group groans, when suddenly a loud screech grabs their attention and everyone covers their ears. It begins to fade away, when they see it. 

A robot…moving and speaking to them?

“Worthy…No…How could you be worthy? You’re all killers.”

Natasha sat up, and Clint held her arm, noticing her tense up. 

“Stark?” Steve chimed in.

“JARVIS.” Tony shifted from his carefree attitude to one more focused and serious. 

The robot kept moving, even in it’s seemingly broken state, “I’m sorry, I was asleep. Or…I was a-dream?” 

Tony was tapping vigorously tapping his devices, “Reboot, Legionnaire OS, we got a buggy suit.”

“There was a terrible noise…and I was tangled in…in…strings. I had to kill the other guy. He was a good guy.”

Natasha clasped onto Clint’s forearm tightly. 

“You killed someone?” Steve asked, trying to keep the order.

“Wouldn’t have been my first call. But, down in the real world, we’re faced with ugly choices.”

Thor grabbed his hammer tighter, “Who sent you?”

The robot began playing a recording, it was Tony’s voice: “I see a suit of armor around the world.”

Banner interrupted, “Ultron!”

Ultron spoke back, “In the flesh. Or, no, not yet. Not this…chrysalis. But I’m on a mission.”

“What mission?” Natasha asked.

“Peace in our time.” 

Just then, the Iron Legion bots smashed through the walls around Ultron and began attacking the team. Clint grabbed Natasha, and pulled her over the bar, where he slipped and landed on top of her.

“Don’t die.”

“I won’t,” he reassured her. 

“Come on,” she grabbed him and began running up the stairs. The Iron Legion continued shooting and attacking the team, continuously stated they were “here to help”. 

Yeah, that was bullshit.

Stark was working hard to shut down all of the suits, when Clint found Cap’s shield and tossed it to him as Steve dismembered the last Iron Legion. 

“That was dramatic! I’m sorry, I know you mean well. You just didn’t think it through. You want to protect the world, but you don’t want it to change. How is humanity saved if it’s not allowed to…evolve?” Ultron grabbed a part of one of the dismantled Iron Legion, “With these? These puppets? There’s only one path to peace: The Avengers’ extinction.”

Without waiting, Thor threw his hammer directly at Ultron, destroying his body. But he was still alive, as they heard his voice sing, “I had strings, but now I’m free. There are no strings on me…”

————

“We won’t make it home tonight, I’m sorry Kate.”

“Is everything okay?”

“Yes. No. It’s-it’s…complicated?”

 “Well, stay safe Barton. Anya is almost calling me ‘papa’ and I do NOT want that to stick.”

“We’ll be home as soon as we can, I promise.”

“Good. Oh, hold on one sec, Anya is putting the remote in her mouth.”

Clint stayed on the phone, turning his focus back to the team. After last night’s fiasco, they were exhausted but they had been doing everything in their power to try to locate where Ultron was and what he had done. He had got in all of their files, he was getting smarter. 

But where was he? 

They had been fighting. Thor was not happy that Tony had been the one to create this nightmare, and Clint kind of agreed. He knew Tony meant well, but this, this got out of hand. The scepter was gone, their team was arguing, and now there was a demonic robot thing that wanted them all dead.

Clint was supposed to be home. 

Him and Nat were supposed to be on their way back to Missouri. They would arrive home later tonight, see their little girl, make dinner and give Kate a break. Clint would shoot some arrows with her in the backyard while Natasha cuddled with Anya on the porch. 

“I’m back. Anya is wicked smart. She just pointed to the phone and said ‘mama’. I know, technically, it’s you, but still! Nine months? She’s practically a genius! Aren’t you, little spider?”

“Don’t let her do too much before we come back.”

“Barton, we might have something.” Steve came around the corner, staring at him. 

“Gotta go.” He hung up the phone. 

“Who was that?”

Shit. 

“My brother.” Nice save, Barton. Let’s bring up Barney, why don’t you?

Steve didn’t give much of a response, knowing that Barton was more private about his personal life and directed him to the rest of the team where they discussed where Ultron was going next. 

Africa.

Man, that was a long way from Missouri. 

——— 

This was supposed to be an easy mission. Grab Ultron, kill him, get the scepter. 

Now the punk kids were back and Clint was too old for this shit. He got the girl before she manipulated his mind. Jesus, he missed his days at SHIELD when the worst injury was being shot. But nope, now he had to fight magic people with “powers” and other nonsense, like mind control. He was not letting that happen again, nope. No, thanks, he did that once. 

The stupid fast one knocked him off his feet and sped off with the girl. “Yeah, you better run,” he groaned from the ground. As he slowly got back on his feet, he called over his comm, “Whoever’s standing, we gotta move! Guys?”

Thor was gone. 

Cap was gone. 

It was quiet. 

Where was Nat?

Clint ran around, bow ready to fire as he searched for his wife. 

Then he spotted her. 

That little shit got her. 

Natasha was in a trance, stumbling through the room; she looked like she was having a panic attack.

“Tasha? Tasha!” Clint put away his arrows and threw his bow over his shoulder, going towards her. 

She flinched as he placed a hand on her shoulder, “нет…нет…”

Clint was careful, moving slowly, “Tasha, it’s me, it’s Clint.”

She was shaking her head furiously, eyes wide with fear, “Red…room…”

Clint was gonna kill that mind controlling little fuck. 

He picked her up and she began kicking and hitting him viciously in his arms, as he brought her to sit on the stairs near them. Once seated, she stopped fighting him and was now shaking, still in the same trance. “Tasha, Tasha, you’re not in Russia anymore. You’re safe.”

She was stuck.

He cupped her face in his hands, as his eyes followed her; she couldn’t see him through her vision. 

“Natasha, I could really use that trick you know to get Banner back,” Tony asked over the comm.

“Well, that’s not gonna happen, Stark. Not for a while. The whole team is down, you got no back up here,” he stayed focused on Natasha, who was whimpering slightly. 

“Tasha, please come back to me. You’re not in the Red Room anymore. You are my wife. You are an Avenger. We have a beautiful daughter together. C’mon,” he pled. 

It didn’t work. 

Clint gave up; this wasn’t like her old nightmares. His old remedies weren’t working, this was much stronger. He threw her arm over his shoulder and picked her up bridal style to bring her back to the quinjet. 

As he headed back, he ran into Steve and Thor. Thor almost threw his hammer at him, but he snapped out of his vision, eyes still wide. What the hell did he see?

Steve was eerily quiet. He didn’t attack, but he looked upset. 

Clint, with Natasha still in his arms, guided them back to the jet. The Hulk was still destroying the city, but there was no way any of them could help. Not in this state. 

Thor immediately took a seat when he got on board, along with Steve. They stayed silent. Clint gently placed Natasha in her own seat, kneeling down in front of her, “Tasha, sweetie, can you hear me?”

She nodded slowly, but she was still numb. 

“We failed…What do we do?” Thor had mumbled from the other seat, clearly still recovering.

To be honest, Clint didn’t know what they were going to do. This was a big fuck up for the Avengers. The Hulk was under mind control and was now unleashed on the city. Stark was trying his best to stop it from getting worse, but they were screwed. 

They would need to hide. 

If only he was home. 

Clint waited with Natasha, who was now at least more aware of where she was now, but she was still shaken. He was on the floor in front of her, her hands in his as she continued to shake. 

Steve and Thor still did not speak. 

A loud bang later, Tony stepped onto the quinjet, an unconscious Banner flopping in his arms. “We’re fucked,” he said as he placed Banner down. “Come on, birdie, let’s get this thing far away from here.”

Clint left Natasha, who didn’t move at all, and got into the pilot seat. “Where to?”

Tony threw his hands up in defeat, “Honestly, I have no fucking clue.”

Clint got the jet off the ground and just began flying away, heading back towards the states. He had been flying for over an hour when he realized he knew where they could go. 

Should they?

He glanced back at the team who all looked so defeated. 

Yep. He had to do this. 

After a bit, Tony was on the phone with Maria. 

“The news is loving you guys. Nobody else is. There’s been no official call for Banner’s arrest, but it’s in the air.”

“Stark Relief Foundation?”

“Already on the scene. How’s the team?”

“Everyone’s…” Tony glanced around at his team who remained silent. “We took a hit. We’ll shake it off.”

“Well for now I’d stay in stealth mode, and stay away from here.”

“So run and hide?”

“Until we can find Ultron, I don’t have a lot else to offer.”

“Neither do we,” he switches off the monitor, ending the call with Maria. He made his way towards Clint, “Hey, you wanna switch out?”

Clint shook his head, “No, I’m good. If you wanna get some kip, now’s a good time, cause we’re still a few hours out.” 

“A few hours from where?”

“A safehouse.”

See you soon, Missouri. 

———— 

When they landed, the team was still relatively quiet, especially Banner and Natasha. Clint nudged Tony awake, before helping Natasha up. “We’re here. C’mon,” he told everyone.

He guided Natasha in his arms down the familiar path to their home, but this time, the rest of the Avengers followed. 

Thor looked around, “What is this place?”

Tony shrugged, “A safe house?”

“Let’s hope,” Clint replied. 

As they neared the house, Clint heard Kate’s voice through the door, “TAKE ONE MORE STEP AND I BLOW OUT YOUR BRAINS!”

The front door swung open, and there she stood, gun pointed at the group. 

It took her one second to recognize who was all in front of her. “Barton?!”

Clint smiled awkwardly, Natasha still in his arms, “Hey Kate.”

Kate unloaded the gun, putting the safety back on, before shoving it in the back of her pants, “You’ve got to be kidding me. Can’t you call? Or text? Or do anything to warn me you’re coming back?!”

Clint made his way up the front steps, the team slowly following his lead, as Clint followed Kate into their home. “I’m sorry, I didn’t know we were going to be back. The mission went a little…awry?” Clint had set Natasha down on the couch, and Kate’s eyes followed him.

“Is she...”

“She’ll be fine. Where’s pigeon?”

“Panic room. I saw a fucking spaceship and a gaggle of people leave it, I thought we were getting ambushed.”

Steve didn’t say anything, just observed what was happening around him. Thor and Banner still were shaken from the mind control. 

Tony, on the other hand, was confused as all hell and needed answers, “Wait, who are you? Where are we?”

Clint started walking away, towards the panic room, “Missouri. And that’s Kate.”

Kate smiled and gave a small wave, “Hello, Avengers.”

“Kate? Kate who?”

“Kate Bishop. You know, Hawkeye 2.0? The cooler, way more attractive, and better in every way one? You’ve never heard of me?”

Tony shook his head, “Are you…an agent?”

Kate scoffed, “No, I’m not an agent. I’m 17, man. No, I’m like a…wannabe hero? That’s what Fury calls me. Old man Barton is supposed to be training me and sending me out on missions with him, but instead I’m turning into a glorified babysitter.”

Clint came around the corner, Anya snuggled into his arms, “Hey, hey, hey, I’ll take you on a mission when you’re ready.”

The whole team was shocked to see Clint casually walking in with a baby in his arms. 

“I’m sorry, what is that?” Tony asked, pointing a finger at Anya.

Clint went towards Natasha, “She’s our daughter.” Clint bent down in front of Natasha, little Anya cooing in his arms, “Tasha, someone wants to say hi.”

Natasha’s eyes finally snapped out of her visions, landing directly on the baby reaching for her in Clint’s eyes. She looked at Clint, registering that they were now home. Kate stood back, nervously watching the assassin adjust back to reality. 

Anya was mumbling, before she landed on, “Mama, mama.”

Natasha’s body unfroze and her hands moved to grab the toddler from her father. She held onto her tightly, and Anya grabbed at her curls, giggling and babbling away. 

The other Avengers didn’t know what to say. 

Steve was shocked, but amazed? He stared intently, looking at his friend holding her daughter, and didn’t know what to think. Wait, was she pregnant in D.C.? Steve stayed silent, just watching the domesticity of it all. The house, their house, apparently, was covered in baby items. It didn’t feel real. They hid a baby, and pregnancy, from the team? 

Banner didn’t know what to say. He felt like he didn’t belong here. Not after what he had just done. And now, Natasha and Clint, brought him in their (secret) home, which had their little baby in it. He had just caused so much destruction and then trusted him here? He didn’t belong…he didn’t belong…

Thor was out of it. The minute he heard Anya’s cooing he flashed back to his vision, seeing all the death and destruction of Asgard around him. He had to leave.

“When the hell were you going to tell us about this?” Tony wasn’t afraid to speak up. He was pissed. Not like a real pissed off, but more like a worried pissed off where you are frustrated that someone wouldn’t trust you with their biggest secrets. Yeah, THAT kind. 

Clint stood up, leaving Anya in her mother’s arms, “We didn’t know.”

“You went on missions. You just got up and left your baby here and went right into a battlefield where you could have died, and didn’t decide to inform the team AT ALL-”

“Tony, please. We were trying to protect her. After D.C.-after the fall of SHIELD, we didn’t know who to trust.”

“US! Your team!” 

“Tony, we were just doing what we thought was best. And clearly she was safe here since no one, not even you knew about or found her,” Clint rebutted. 

Tony took a deep breath, he wasn’t going to admit Clint had a point. “How long have you had this place?”

“Fury helped set it up years ago. Long before the Avengers.”

“How old is she?”

“Anya? Anya’s nine months,” Clint glanced at his daughter who was still smiling at her mother. 

“Nine months…wow. I don’t know what to say,” Tony responded, shaking his head slowly.

Kate cleared her throat, “I can make some coffee or tea if you guys drink that kind of stuff?”

————

Natasha hardly let Anya down; she couldn’t. 

She had spent hours trapped in her head, trapped back in the Red Room, reliving her training, her graduation ceremony, everything. 

She needed a reminder that she wasn’t there anymore. And Anya was the best remedy for that. She loved Clint and her team, but Anya didn’t ask her questions. Anya just giggled and babbled and smiled at her, because she didn’t know that there was any evil in the world at all. 

Anya only wanted to snuggle with her mother, and Natasha was going to do just that. 

Clint did take Anya from her for a second, just to make sure Natasha got out of her uniform and into some sweats, but Natasha got her right back. 

Thank god it was still light out when they got back. Natasha took Anya outside, as Tony and Steve started to chop wood nearby. Thor had left to “figure something out”, and Banner had shut himself in the bedroom, saying that he just needed some time alone. Natasha would have to check on him later. 

Clint got a text from Fury. He had arrived to discuss their plans for Ultron with Tony. He was in the barn, knowing that Tony would try like hell to ignore him. 

“Hey, lady bird, you want a mission?”

Kate rolled her eyes, “That was a weak nickname.”

“Just answer the question, dumbass.”

“Sure.” 

“Fury’s hiding in the barn, he needs to talk to Stark. Get him in the barn without him making him suspicious. Think you can handle it?”

Kate smiled, “Ooh, lying, how fun. I can do that. I do that all the time when I tell you that those flannels look fine on you.”

Clint nudged her shoulder, “You ass, just do it.”

“I’m going, I’m going!” 

Clint watched Kate make her way over to Tony as he cleaned up the bow and arrows before making his way up the the porch. He leaned down to give Natasha and Anya each a kiss, “Hello ladies.”

“Hi,” Natasha replied. 

Clint took a seat next to her on the porch bench, “Are you okay?”

Natasha looked down at the toddler in her lap, “I just needed to see her. I was stuck for so long.”

“I figured she would help. I’m sorry I exposed our secret life, but I didn’t know what else to do.”

“I understand.” 

“Papa,” Anya cooed, reaching out for her father. Clint bent down, getting level with her, touching his face to hers. “Hi pretty girl.”

Anya smiled, “Papa!”

“Yeah that’s me, pigeon.”

Natasha half-smiled, how did Clint and her make such a happy baby? 

Kate trotted back from the barn, Tony no where in sight. “Wow, thank you so much for that mission, I feel fulfilled.” She took a seat on the deck in front of Natasha, giving one of her hands to the babbling toddler in front of her as she made faces at Anya.

Clint rolled his eyes, “I told you, I’ll-”

“Take me when I’m ‘ready’, I know. Whenever the hell that’ll be,” she stood up and stormed into the house, letting the front door slam behind her. 

“Nice going daddy,” Natasha teased, turning Anya to face her now. 

“Daddy? I am not Kate’s father.”

“Then why are you acting like it?” Natasha asked, focusing on Anya, who was gripping onto her mother’s curls. 

Clint huffed, “I am not. I just worry about her. I don’t think she’s ready yet.”

“Then make her ready. Train her.”

“Nat, she’s too young-”

“We were both way younger when we started. In one year, she’s legally an adult. And you better wake up to the fact that she’s a part of our lives now. You can’t protect her forever.” Natasha got up, noticing Steve walk towards the porch and walked inside with him.

Clint flopped back against the bench, “Shit.”

———— 

Even though Kate was still upset, she acted like she was fine as dinnertime rolled around. Bruce had finally emerged from his room to help Clint make dinner, which was pasta, the only item of food they had enough of to feed this many people. As the rest of the Avengers had changed and gathered in the kitchen, Clint answered more of Tony’s questions, sharing the whole story of Anya and the house. Kate opened up too, telling the team about how she got discovered by Hawkeye, and ended up in this house. 

Natasha was back to her usual self, staying quiet, and keeping to her herself. Except now she courted around a baby. It was a little odd for her to show this side of herself to the Avengers. She was still the same tough person, she just…had a baby? What was so weird about that? Maybe it was the fact that Anya was such a giggly baby and seeing her sit on her stone faced mother’s lap was the problem. Whatever. 

This is also why she didn’t want to tell the team.

She didn’t want them to see her any different than before. She didn’t want them to think Anya was a weakness or an obstacle. She wanted everything to be like before, except that Anya was here. 

When dinner was finally ready, everyone sat around their dining room table, the most full their table had ever been. She ate dinner carefully, Anya on her lap trying to grab at her pasta. Natasha would give her a noodle between her bites, watching the baby like a hawk to make sure she didn’t choke. 

They didn’t talk about Ultron at all. They just sat, ate their pasta, and swapped stories. 

It was kind of hard to believe there was still a demonic robot that was out there, waiting to kill them all.

When dinner was done, Natasha handed Anya to Clint, as she told Kate to help clean up. Steve got up when he heard Natasha, and immediately went to the sink to start washing the dishes with Kate. Natasha stepped back, letting Steve help, and instead picked up the table, putting the various items back in the fridge and pantry. 

As Steve and Kate finished up the dishes, Natasha went to the living room to find Clint playing on the floor with Anya. He laid on the floor, letting her crawl on top of him, as he covered his face with her baby blanket. She ripped it away to reveal Clint making a silly face, and she lost it. Her little giggles filled the living room as Tony sat back watching him. Bruce stood in the corner, far away from Anya, watching Clint with her silently, a smile on his face.

“You know, she doesn’t bite like I do. You don’t have to be scared of her,” Natasha said, walking right up to Bruce, startling him slightly. 

He flinched before realizing it was Natasha, and smiled again, “She’s really cute, Nat.”

“Play with her, then.”

Bruce looked at Natasha, shaking his head, “No, no, I can’t, I’m-”

Natasha grabbed his hand, “It was a bad day. We all have them. You’re not a monster.”

Bruce glanced at her hand on his, and then looked up at her, “Thank you.”

She smiled back at him, “No need to thank me. Now, here-“ She grabbed a small bear that rested on the end table, “-take this to her, she loves it.”

 Bruce held the stuffed animal in his hand, his face uneasy. He fiddled around in his hands, glancing at Natasha again, who nodded, as if she was telling him “you’re okay”. Bruce took a deep breath and walked over to the giggling Anya, bending down to her. She stopped laughing, and quieted, as if she was analyzing the man in front of her. 

Like mother, like daughter.

Bruce swallowed the lump in his throat, before holding out the little bear to her, “I heard you liked this.”

A tiny smile came across the toddler’s face as she launched herself at Bruce, knocking him down. “M’bear!” 

Bruce let out a laugh from the ground, letting Anya sit on his chest, “Yeah, ha, it’s your bear.”

Clint sat up, “I should have warned you, she likes to attack people. We have no clue where that came from…”

Natasha glared at him and crossed her arms, as Clint stood up to give her a kiss on her pouty lips. “Probably her dad, right?”

Natasha smirked, “I’m so close to punching you.” Despite her remark, she gave him a small kiss on the lips before they turned, hearing their daughter shriek in a fit of laughter, still on top of Bruce as he played with her and her bear. 

———— 

A few hours went by and Anya was now laying against her mother’s chest, her eyes fluttering open and shut as she tried to fight off her exhaustion. Natasha rubbed her daughter’s back as she sat back in the dining room, the rest of the team around her discussing their next moves. 

They couldn’t exactly locate Ultron; he was everywhere. He kept trying to launch the nuclear missiles, but the codes kept getting changed, thank god. The Avengers didn’t have their normal resources anymore, instead, they were in a farmhouse dining room, no internet or even landlines to connect them to the outside world. They were doing this old school. 

Anya’s breathing got heavier as Natasha continued her circles on her back, “When you two programmed him to protect the human race, you amazingly failed.”

Bruce shook his head, “They don’t need to be protected, they need to evolve. Ultron’s going to evolve.”

“How?” Fury asked.

“Has anyone been in contact with Helen Cho?” They all shook their heads. Bruce nodded, “Well, we should go do that.”

Steve raised an eyebrow at Banner, “Korea?”

“It’s our best shot,” Bruce replied, shrugging his shoulders. 

“Well, let’s go. Wheels up in an hour?” Tony asked, surveying the room. Everyone nodded in response and got up from where they were seated.

Clint followed Natasha out of the dining room, placing a hand on the small of her back as Anya was officially knocked out. As they neared the stairs, Clint noticed Kate sitting on the porch outside. “You take her up, I got something to fix before we leave,” he said, gesturing to the teen who sat with her arms crossed, a pout plastered on her face. 

Natasha smiled and went up the stairs, taking her time to make sure Anya stayed snoring softly. 

“Hey, loser,” Clint teased, leaning against the railing across from where Kate sat. 

“What do you want?” She didn’t look up.

“You looked upset, I just wanted to check on you before we left.”

Kate chuckled, “Of course. Where to now, hmm? How long do I get the pleasure of being trapped here before you finally get off your ass and actually take me on a mission?”

“Watch your mouth, missy.”

“Fuck you.” She was staring at him now, eyes watering. 

There was a heavy silence between the two. 

“Why are you this mad? I thought you didn’t mind being here?”

Kate looked up at him, “I don’t. I love Anya and the house, it’s just-why won’t you let me go on a mission?” 

“You’re not ready-”

“STOP! Stop fucking saying that! The only reason I’m not ready is because you refuse to train me like you promise me five years ago!” She stood up, still face to face with him, but she was fuming. “Why am I in your life? Why did you take me in at 12? You told me you were going to train me and give me a better life, but you DIDN’T! YOU LIED!” She began hitting Clint as tears streamed down her cheeks, her cries becoming louder.

Clint grabbed her wrists, trying to stop her punches, “Kate, I’m sorry-”

“YOU’RE NOT MY DAD! YOU’RE NOT-“ Her cries increased, and she choked on her words, ultimately giving up and falling into his chest. She sobbed uncontrollably as Clint held her tightly to him.

“I’m sorry, Kate, I’m so sorry…” 

——— 

Anya was out like a light. Natasha knew Clint was still outside with Kate, and she should have just put Anya in her crib, flicked off the light and got ready for Korea. 

So why was she sitting in the rocking chair, still holding onto her baby so tightly? 

“Knock, knock,” Steve said, leaning against the doorframe. “She left these downstairs, I didn’t know if you wanted them?” He presented Anya’s little bear and baby blanket, a small smile on his face.

Natasha nodded, gesturing for him to come in, “Thank you.” 

Steve came inside the nursery, looking around at all the furniture and toys scattered throughout the pale yellow room. “I know, it’s weird,” Natasha said, Anya still in her arms.

“No, no-” She raised her eyebrows at him. “Yeah, okay maybe a little.”

Natasha smiled, “It was weird for me too, believe me.”

“Were you pregnant in D.C.?”

“Yeah, but I didn’t know. We found out later.”

Steve nodded, and a small silence fell in the room. He looked down at the bear still in his hand, he wish she told him. 

“Please don’t look at me any different, though. I’m still the same Natasha. I just have extra cargo now.”

Steve chuckled, “I’ll try not to.”

Natasha ran her hands through her daughters short strawberry blonde curls as she stayed knocked out. “I didn’t want her at first.” Steve locked eyes with her, and she bit her her bottom lip before continuing, “I thought I couldn’t be a mother. I was a murderer. But there was this part of me that was lost after D.C.; I didn’t know what path to take. Or even if there was a path for me to take. I thought maybe the public would always see me as the monster I was before and I could never be an Avenger again. I was only going to hide here until the chaos settled and I could go back, but then I found out I was pregnant. Having a baby seemed too hard, and not like me at all, so I was ready to get rid of it and move on to my next mission. But, there was this part of me that thought a baby could be my next mission. The timing of it all seemed too perfect for me to not give it more time to think. And as time went by, the baby grew, and Clint started building the nursery. We hardly talked about the baby; we didn’t even talk about names until I was six months pregnant.”

“Wow.”

“I know. And even though I was becoming more used to the idea of a baby, I never got fully attached until she was born. When I first held her, I forgot I was a killer. I forgot all of the terrible shit I’ve done and all I saw was this innocent human in front of me that I made. I saw Clint and myself in her tiny face and knew I was going to protect her until the day I died. She didn’t make me any less of a fighter, she made me stronger. She helped me grow. I was still the same tough person, but now I had a reason to fight. And after every mission, I got a reminder of why I do what I do anytime I saw her smile. I’ll never be the conventional mother who stays at home all day and bakes brownies and sings along to cartoons, but I’m trying my best to give her a good life and keep her safe.”

“You are doing great.”

“Am I? Because the minute I put her down I have to get ready to fight a robot in Korea,” Natasha looked Anya, the toddler’s little mouth open as she slept. 

“You’re fighting for her. If Ultron gets his hands on those codes, we’re all done for.” Natasha squeezed Anya gently, as Steve continued, “You’re doing your job. And when you’re done, she’ll be here ready to be in your arms again.”

Steve placed the bear and blanket in the crib, “C’mon.”

Natasha stood up slowly from the rocking chair, careful not to wake Anya, as she walked to the crib and slowly placed her down. She pulled the blanket over her body and tucked the bear in her arm. Natasha bent down and gave her a kiss on the forehead, “Goodnight, маленький.” 

Clint peeked his head in the door, “She out?”

Steve nodded, holding a finger to his lips. Clint tiptoed to the crib next to Natasha and gave Anya a kiss on the cheek. “Night, night pidgey, I’ll see you soon.”

The three left the nursery, Steve going downstairs, while Natasha and Clint went to their bedroom. Clint got their duffle bag as Natasha starting tossing stuff on the bed. 

“Kate okay?”

Clint continued to hastily fold the clothes and toss them in the bag, “For now. When we get back, I got to give her some more attention. And get her on the field finally.”

Natasha smiled as she grabbed their uniforms, “Good.”

Clint took the uniforms out of her hands and placed them in bag, “I feel bad leaving her, but if we don’t find Ultron, we’re all dust.”

“Exactly,” Natasha said as she grabbed his bow and arrow from the closet and placed in on the bed. “The girls will be okay without us. We have to finish this mission.”

“Then back home?” Clint asked, grabbing her hand. 

Natasha squeezed his hand, “You know it.”

[everyone-is-lovelyy]

What’s your deepest fear? I’ve been faced with some serious fear the past few months of my life. My fear of losing the people close to me, especially my parents, has seriously escalated since my father has had a stroke. I am trying to deal with it but I think I am almost irrational at points and it really controls me in an unhealthy way. Secondly, I do have this fear of wasted potential. I am aware of my qualities, or am becoming more aware of them, and even though that’s, on the one hand, great, it’s also nerve wrecking because I constantly feel like I am not doing as much as I could be. 

Share a memory that makes you smile every time you remember it. What has been coming back to me a lot in the past few weeks has been memories from Cinque Terre. Remembering sunbathing on the large cliffs, reading Lydia Davis and then jumping into the sea. Eating fried kalamari while exploring the villages. It’s quite a jumble really, but all of the memories from that weekend are wonderful. One specifically, when Petar and I were returning to our B&B, which was situated in a tiny village close to Cinque Terre. Truly tiny, the entire village spanned about three blocks. We were desperate to have a proper sit-down meal, however nothing was open seeing as it was past 9 in the evening - which for a small Italian village means it’s time to call it a night. We were wandering and just about decided to return to the B&B and wait it out until breakfast when an old Italian man yelled us over. He was closing his pizzeria soon but offered to keep it open so that we could have some dinner. We sat on the balcony, had pizza and so much wonderful, cheap, white wine and the owner would occasionally come join us and speak in the broken English. It was magic.  What was the last thing you google searched? Oh god haha. How to spell romantic in French. Are you a dreamer or a do-er? A dreamer. But I want to be a do-er. Still in development. Share one of these dreams of yours. Not being scared of contacting local organizations and companies, asking for internships. Taking the initiative even though I may get rejected. Quite a rational, adult dream ey? Has anyone told you they wanted to fuck you recently? Yes. What are your views on gay people? What kind of views can any normal human have? Would you ever have sex with a member of the same sex? Yes.

Have you ever just felt like giving up? Yeah, it’s easy for me to fall into those pits. Is there anything you are holding back from telling somebody? Nope. Well there are certain, small things. But I don’t consider them secrets really seeing as they are entirely private and only affect myself. Do you think the last person you kissed has feelings for you? Yeap.

Do you wish someone would show up at your front door right now? Haha why not! It’s always a nice surprise :)

Do you get high a lot? Not really. I enjoy getting high but it’s a hassle to get my hands on drugs here and I’d much rather spend my money on other things. Who was the last person you talked to before you went to bed last night? Petar, we fell asleep mid conversation. Is there anything you are hiding from yourself? Sort of? There are things I am aware of but am trying to hide from myself but am very aware I am trying to hide from myself?  Are you an emotional person? Yes, I’m a sensitive person. How do you feel right now? Calm, a bit tired, and happy to be spending some time alone :3 Would you ever get a tattoo? I have 5 and would like a few more, and to fix one I already have. Are you satisfied with what you currently have in life? Objectively, yes. I think I am doing quite well for someone that just finished university. But...I always want more. Are you one of those people who can’t go without their morning coffee? I prefer my morning tea but have ran out so lately it’s been shitty instant coffee at work. What was the last photograph you took? I believe it was a snap of sushi? Heh

What was the last hot food you ate? A donut with sprinkles and white icing! Have you ever seen a meteor shower? No! How often are you optimistic? It comes in phases. Generally, I am a pessimistic person but I actively try not to be. Would you say your thoughts are generally rational and logical or irrational and illogical? Oof. It’s such a destructive mix. For things related to my career and education, my family and my friends, I am logical and rational. When it comes to more emotional aspects, regarding relationships or my perception of things in my life, I am irrational as all hell.  Are you wearing anything of any sentimental value? Describe? Not at the moment. Are you the type to pay attention to detail? Yes. That’s my favorite thing about Belgrade actually. To you, what is especially distracting? Quite a typical answer I suppose but social media. Largely, Instagram. I know everyone adamantly claims it should not have any effect on your self-perception of self-worth but it does, it really does! What are some things that are important in your life right now? Yoga, I can tell I’m getting back into it and I try to find time to do some yoga everyday. Devoting my time to people that fill me with energy. Lately, that’s been my family mostly. My boyfriend and a few selected friends, like two. But that’s okay. Having time for myself is the most important to me right now, it focuses me and motivates me to keep doing what I want to do. And the money I’m earning. It’s important to me because it feels great to take a financial load off of my parents and because it is providing me with a chance to save some money to travel a bit. When was the last time you did some major cleaning? About two weeks ago. Sorted through old clothes, drawers, old papers and folders.  Have you ever thrown anything away, and regretted it later? Not really.  Are you the type to regret things, or live and learn? Live and learn, as cheesy as it is. How often do you feel like you need time to yourself? Literally all the time. This week has been a good balance because I’ve only made plans to do things that I truly want to do and have devoted a bit of time everyday to read, work out and relax. Do you like being around other people? Why is this? It depends. Certain people get on my nerves quite easily so I really need to make sure I don’t spend too much time with them. I’m an emotional sponge and it’s easy for that to take me away from myself. With that being said, if I really enjoy someone’s company, I love being around people. Do you feel like anyone “gets” you? Who? Yes. My Mom, it’s always easy to talk to her. She understands me better than anyone. A few friends, sadly most of them don’t live here but even a short chat or Skype with them means a lot to me because they truly understand me on a much deeper level than most people here. And my boyfriend, thankfully that has become a given. What would you be most likely to do with a friend, today? Exactly what I did! We went for a walk and for dinner :) When are you most likely to be crabby? If I haven’t gotten a good nights sleep and there is a day of work ahead. How about upbeat and cheerful? Weekends when I wake up earlier of my own accord and then I suddenly have so much more time to do things during the day. Who challenges you the most? In what way? Courage. Or lack thereof. And indecisiveness.  Who seems to hold you back? In what way? Me. Myself. In every way. According to the Myer-Briggs test, what personality type are you? I did this a while ago but completely forgot! I should do one again. What has been preoccupying your mind today? Just whether I will be able to find an internship that I am actually interested in and how much I will blame myself if I don’t.

What was the last opportunity that you passed up, and why? I passed up (not formally yet, but yeah) the opportunity to continue this job for another year with a pay raise. Would you rather have a quiet day at home, or be on the go? When it’s this awful weather outside then most definitely a quiet day at home :3 Do you think you made a good impression on the last person you met? Yeap, I think so How do you feel about people who neglect their pets? Don’t fucking have them then. Should there be an application process for having children? Maybe a psychological screening of some sort. Anything else would be to dystopian and would backfire. But perhaps a psychological screening, just to ensure that the people having/adopting the children in question can care for them and emotionally support them. I reckon that would be next to impossible to test though, not to mention how would anyone come up with a general rule as to what it means to be a supportive parent. It must be different, obviously individually, but also culturally. 

Are you able to ask for help when you need it? Nope. Not even a little bit. I am so fucking stubborn. How intense is your anger? Have you ever hurt anyone/yourself? It is awful, I can’t handle being angry very well and just end up bursting into tears. But when the anger actually does come out as actual anger, I could probably tear an entire house down. I go rampant. What is something red that you like to eat? Strawberries! Do you ever have trouble getting lighters to work? Nope If someone drinks, would that lower your opinion of that person? No, I don’t really care.  What if they did drugs? Once again I don’t really care but I feel a bit concerned for people that do it all the time. The same goes for drinking though, I suppose. More so for drugs Do you know anyone who is abusive? Are you abusive? I do, I know a lot of people. And I think I do have a streak to me that can sometimes begin to act emotionally abusive when I am in a bad relationship. Which is something I try to understand often, it’s not a side of myself I like to think about. Have you ever contemplated cheating on anyone? Yes. If your best friend wanted to cheat on his/her partner, you would say? It depends on their relationship, the context, on a hundred different factors. I wouldn’t encourage it, just because it’s a mess, emotionally and otherwise but I wouldn’t judge either. Who do you know that gives very sound advice? My mum and my best friend. What do you think makes a person weak? Cowardice. What makes a person strong? Empathy, the courage to stand up for others, a sense of humor in times of hardship.

Name one thing that you think defines you as a person? I am gentle towards others. And I’m a goof.

Who do you go to when you need comfort? Generally Willa and Ksenija. Willa gives me honest advice and is sympathetic to anything I am going through which is oftentimes what I need to hear and feel before I try to go ahead solving whatever problem is in front of me. Ksenija can be harsh, but she has a dose of humor that comforts me immensely.

Is there anyone/thing with whom/which you like to cuddle? My puppy and kitty. They will sleep with me tonight Do nightmares still bother you? I can shrug them off more easily now but I still get a bit shaken up by them At what age did you start to feel like a teen, and not a kid anymore? Around the age of 17

Are you or were you in a hurry to grow up? Not consciously but now that I reflect on it, I was in such a hurry to grow up and did a lot of things to early and before I was supposed to. I wish I had prolonged this childhood innocence for a bit longer. What is a fear you have about living on your own? That someone will break into the apartment and I won’t know how to face them on my own.  Who was the last person to completely fascinate you? Yesterday, I finished reading My Brilliant Friend by Elena Ferante (definite recommend!) and the narrator of the story, Elena Greko, was completely fascinating to me. What a great and realistic character.